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Author: Neal Whitten,PMP

You Desire Success? Learn to Manage Daily to Your Top 3 Priorities

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 2 Comments on You Desire Success? Learn to Manage Daily to Your Top 3 Priorities

Managing daily to your top three priorities is crucial to your professional success. However, my experience is that most people in our craft do not manage their to-do list effectively.

This article will show you how. Doing so can boost your effectiveness, reputation, and career.

Instantly Identify Your Top Three Priorities

If I were to put you on the spot and ask you what are your top three priorities or problems at work right now—by the way, priorities and problems mean the same thing to me in this context—and you could not rattle them off within three snaps of the fingers then you are not a consistently effective leader. You might be thinking how dare I judge you by so little information; that if I would give you a few minutes, then you could come up with your top three priorities. But if you need time to identify them then I restate my assertion that you are not a consistently effective leader. Instead, you are managing your day by the plethora of interruptions that come your way; by the noise and the minutia that fall over you. You are allowing your day to be managed by others instead of you taking charge and managing to the most important priorities. You are too soft if you are not seizing control of your domain of responsibility and primarily managing to your top three priorities each day.

To-Do List

Let’s talk about how to do this. Most of you likely start your day with a to-do list of work items. That’s good. You should. However, what I do—and perhaps some of you do as well—is create the list the night before. Why? Well, I already have had a busy full day, and I know where I want to hit the road running when I come into work the next day. Therefore, the night before is a great time to populate the list. But another reason I’ll create the list the night before is to focus on the top three items on the list—the top three priorities. Let’s say the list has ten items: the top three and a bottom seven. Now, most of you will likely have lists with more than ten items, but I want to make the math simple for illustrative purposes. When I go to sleep at the end of the day, my mind—my subconscious—is working on solving or moving towards the solving of one or more of these top three problems. When I wake the next day, these problems are either solved or well on their way to being solved; I have a better grasp of what I need to do moving forward. All of us have this ability to help resolve problems when we sleep. Regardless, if you, instead, choose to take 5-10 minutes of quiet time at the start of your work day to create your to-do list, that’s fine.

Focus Predominately on Top Three Priorities

Now, let’s say that you are traveling home at the end of your work day and you recognize that you have not made headway on any of your top three priorities, but you have managed to cross off all of your bottom seven: Do not feel good about your accomplishments that day! Why? Because you worked on the wrong things. If, instead, when you head for home, and you have not worked on any of your bottom seven but managed to make significant headway on just one of your top three, you should feel very good about your accomplishments for that day. And here’s why: Your efficiency to work on your top three priorities defines your value—your contribution—to your organization, it defines your career; not the bottom seven.

30 Minutes or More Available, Work on Top Three

You might be thinking: Neal, it sounds like you don’t care if I work on my bottom seven. You’re right. I don’t care. In the big picture, they are insignificant. Look, if you have five minutes between meetings and you can eliminate one of your bottom seven, then go for it. But if you have 30 minutes or more between meetings, do not work on the bottom seven. 30 minutes is what I call significant time. You should be working on your top three priorities—they define your career.

Work Off Top Priorities within 2-3 Days

Your top three priorities on the list should be worked off the list typically within 2-3 days. If occasionally you have a top-three item on the list for up to a week that’s okay. What’s that? You say that the items that make up your top three typically would take weeks or months to solve and you would not know how to remove them from your list in just 2-3 days. Okay. I’ll show you how. Let’s say one of your top three priorities will take you six weeks to solve. Then put a six-week plan together. Identify the activities, their dependencies, their durations and who owns them. Then get agreement from all the people necessary to make the plan whole and fully committed and track the six-week plan like you do any other plan. Now replace that priority item from your to-do list with a new one.

What’s that? You say the six-week plan hasn’t completed and, therefore, the problem is still open? That you think the problem should remain on your list until it is solved? Look… You now have a good working plan to get it resolved. It’s being taken care of. You will track its implementation with the frequency you feel it justifies. Remove the item from your top-three list and replace it with another very important item that now needs timely attention.

Occasionally, Not Working Top Three Is Okay

What if you come to work occasionally and find you are not able to work on any of your top three priorities because of that day’s firefights and “please handles”? If this happens only occasionally, that’s okay. You work in a complex, dynamic environment. However, if it happens routinely, it’s not okay. If you cannot routinely work off your top three priorities, then you are the problem. If you are not working them off, no one else will—this is your domain of responsibility. You need help. You might be overloaded with work and need some relief; you might be poor at managing time, or it could be something else. Whatever. You need to seek and obtain the appropriate help.

Number One Reason Why Projects Fail

This is a good time to share with you what I believe may be a profound assertion. We have all seen lists touting the top 10 reasons why projects fail. The usual suspects include weak requirements, scope creep, lack of user involvement, unreliable estimates, incomplete staffing, poor communications, weak senior stakeholder support and others. However, from my experience, these lists miss the biggest reason—the number one reason—why projects fail: Because the project manager does not manage to his or her top three priorities on a daily basis. This is so important that I’m going to repeat it. The number one reason why projects fail is that the project manager does not manage to his or her top three priorities on a daily basis.

You might be wondering how come I’m so smart to get this while it appears that others haven’t? Well, I’m not that smart, but I am an old guy who has been around a long time. Longevity and persistence helps me pick up things. For example, over the years I have performed reviews on hundreds of projects in trouble. When I do, I always conclude with identifying the top three problems—the top three priorities—that the project manager needs to address immediately. When I examine these top three lists, the ah-ha moment presents itself. The top items on the lists almost always should have been resolved not days earlier but weeks or months earlier—sometimes years depending on the duration of the project. The lists show that the project managers were not effectively focusing on their top three priorities on a daily basis; otherwise, these problems would have been resolved or under control. So, again, the number one reason why projects fail is that the project manager does not manage to his or her top three priorities on a daily basis. This is a fundamental fact that knowing and adjusting your behavior to can significantly increase the success of your projects—and your career.

By the way, the article might have appeared to focus on Project Managers, not Business Analysts. Everything said here also applies to Business Analysts. The number one reason why Busines Analysts fail is that the Business Analyst does not manage to his or her top three priorities on a daily basis.

Now, become your imagined self!

9 Actions to Build Your Self-Confidence

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles.

Almost everyone suffers from low self-confidence at some time; while many people struggle with self-confidence issues regularly.

Low self-confidence will hold you back from achieving your potential. It can cause you to miss out on many opportunities and leave you with a less happy, satisfying and fulfilling life.

The good news? You can learn to become and remain self-confident. I will reveal 9 actions that can help build your self-confidence. The more you build your self-confidence, the more success you likely will achieve which, in turn, increases your self-confidence even more. Mastering self-confidence can change the rest of your life.

Let’s look at these 9 actions that can help you build your self-confidence.

1. Prepare and Practice

Do your homework. Your self-confidence will receive a huge boost when you have appropriately prepared yourself for some event. For example, if you have a presentation to make, thoughtfully developing the presentation and then sufficiently practicing your delivery and responses to imagined questions can make you both look and feel self-confident. Do not underestimate the power of preparation in giving you the self-confidence that you seek. Preparation and practice are one of the most important actions you can take to raise your level of self-confidence.

2. Express Yourself through Body Language

Your posture and the manner you engage with others can send a strong message that says you are engaged, ready for action and committed to this exchange or event. For example, sit upright with chin up. If standing, stand upright with shoulders back. With people from most cultures, give direct eye contact. Move your head, body, and arms when in discussion or listening one-on-one. Use open gestures and lean forward for emphasis. Don’t cower or withdraw into a fetal position. Shake hands firmly—avoid a limp handshake. Be generous with your smile.

3. Speak with a Deliberate Voice

Do not use a weak, unsure or timid voice. Don’t mumble. Speak with a strong, resolute and passionate voice. Speak slow enough to ensure you are not only heard but also understood. Engage others in conversation and participate in meetings and get-togethers.

4. Promote Positive Self-Talk; Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

You become what you think about all day long. You are listening to yourself; programming yourself. Give yourself respect and positive thoughts. Through your thoughts and actions, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The self-talk can come from your inner thoughts, your actual words, notes, and messages to yourself and any other form of self-communication. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be honest and truthful, but also cut yourself some slack. We are all works in progress with plenty of room for improvement.

5. Do Not Be Controlled by What Others Think About You

It is far less important what others think about you than what you think about yourself. Listen to what people say. If there is a lesson to be learned, then do so and move on. If there is no lesson, then move on. If you give more weight to what others think about you than what you think about yourself, then you are giving control of yourself to others. Don’t give that power away. Interestingly, as an instructor who has a wealth of classroom and mentoring experience, occasionally—but only temporarily—even I slip and begin to focus more on the one negative class evaluation than the 29 positive evaluations. Never allow your source of self-confidence to come from someone else.

6. Listen to Your Own Advice

You have great self-confidence advice to give to a close friend or family member; how about applying that advice to yourself? For example, I expect that you have heard most, if not all, of the advice given in this article—although you may not have heard it packaged and presented in this way. However, it becomes more a matter of accepting and applying that advice and recognizing that it can apply as much to you as it does to others. So the next time you are experiencing low self-confidence, ask yourself what advice would you give a friend who is experiencing the same thing you are; then seriously consider following that advice.

7. Be a Good Actor

Once you know how you wish to be, then act on that image. The notion of acting may sound insincere, but it is not. This is how behavior is changed: through repetitive acting. In effect, you are faking self-confidence in the beginning, and eventually, you will feel more comfortable with your behaviors and become that person. As the saying goes: You fake it til’ you make it.

8. Avoid Being Around People Who Are Toxic to You

People who put you down, are constantly critical of you and overall behave destructively towards you can cause self-doubt and pull you down. This situation not only adds no value to your life, but it can also take away from you developing into the best version of you.

9. Do Something Risky

Step out of your comfort zone and take on something you typically would avoid. When you do, you will experience an inner excitement that has likely eluded you. Afterward, examine your actions and look for any lessons. You will be proud of yourself. Now do it again …and again.

I have listed these 9 actions and their brief descriptions in a 1-page takeaway that you are free to download and make copies.

Often I am asked if I believe that people are typically born with low self-confidence, therefore, must learn self-confidence. My experience is the opposite. I observe that people are typically born with high self-confidence. Notice how small children are curious, nonjudgmental and seem to be game for almost anything. As they grow from childhood into their teens, that self-confidence can be shaken based on the behaviors of the people around them. For example, as a teen, if you frequently experience put-downs, harsh criticism and outright nasty and rude behaviors then your self-confidence could easily come into doubt.

6 Tenets of Self-Confidence

I would like to conclude this article with six tenets to keep in mind on the important subject of building your self-confidence.

  1. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced and become a core part of whom you choose to be. This has to be encouraging to know if you harbor any doubts about your ability to be self-confident.
  2. Self-confidence is largely about what you think about yourself along with your knowledge, skills, and experiences that you have worked hard to acquire. As you achieve more—and recognize yourself for those achievements—the more your self-confidence will grow.
  3. Self-confident people tend to like themselves, believe in themselves, think positively about themselves, are optimists, seize upon the opportunity and live life to its fullest.
  4. The self-confidence you project is seen through your words, actions, and demeanor. The more self-confident you are, the more people see you and accept you this way which serves further to reinforce your self-confidence.
  5. Self-confident people are engaged in life and are always achieving things, big and small. These achievements build the foundation for their success. Low self-confident people avoid life’s opportunities, and therefore success becomes more elusive.
  6. Lastly, self-confidence is an important asset to a happy, satisfying and fulfilling life; it helps you to get more out of your life. Self-confidence will help you better appreciate and savor the good times and help you deal with the challenges that will continuously come your way.

Now, go become your imagined self!

10 Traits of the Indispensable Team Member

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles.

If you were building a team and could hand-pick its members, what are the key traits or attributes you would look for?

What are the behaviors and actions necessary for them to perform at their best and the team to perform at its best? In other words, what makes a team member valuable and indispensable?

This article reveals a set of key behaviors and actions that every leader would like to see in each of their team members. Of course, members cannot be expected to know already or practice these tenets. These behaviors and actions must be revealed as the team is forming and reinforced throughout the project.

Praise should generously be bestowed on those members who demonstrate these tenets notably. But members not performing to an acceptable level will need coaching and nurturing so they can become proficient as well.

Let’s now look at the behaviors and actions of the indispensable team member.

1. Fully participate

Voluntarily speak up in meetings and get-togethers. Contribute ideas, even if they may be unconventional—many times thinking out of the box brings the team to the best solution. Your opinion is important and can help identify or move an issue closer to resolution. Be forthcoming to both ask and answer questions.

2. Be truthful

Be honest and timely when revealing your progress and issues. When you make a mistake, admit to it and take accountability. When you are faced with making a commitment, make only good commitments.

3. Be reliable

Meet your commitments. Always do what you say you are going to do and when you said you would do it. A team is only as strong as its weakest link—don’t be a weak leak. Consistently provide quality work. Demonstrate personal pride in fulfilling your commitments.

4. Maintain a positive attitude

Adopt a can-do spirit. Be thankful for and even look forward to the challenges and opportunities before you. Place a constructive view on issues—seek out the sun during cloudy and stormy moments. Don’t take or make things personal.

5. Focus on solutions

The most professionally mature members do not engage in finger-pointing and the blame game. Instead, they are busy focusing on solving issues and moving forward. Be a problem solver. Recognize that we all make mistakes and that we need to learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes.

6. Practice being proactive

Don’t just focus on the task at hand, also look at the tasks coming up to help ensure you and your team’s readiness. Make it a standard practice to think one or more steps ahead.

7. Share knowledge

Yes, knowledge is power. But the best performers give it away—they don’t hoard it. They recognize the benefit of this behavior in strengthening the team and raising their own value and reputation in the process.

8. Demonstrate personal initiative

Practice self-reliance when appropriate. Require minimal leadership. Ensure you understand your assignment and domain of responsibility. If you are unsure about taking action, then seek appropriate counsel. Make things happen.

9. Practice continuous improvement

Seek ways to continually improve your skills as well as the processes and procedures that you and your team engage in. Become and remain the subject matter expert in your chosen domain. Be open and accepting of constructive criticism. Don’t just correct a problem; seek to correct the process that allowed the problem to occur. Encourage feedback on your performance. Adapt to change.

10. Promote team success

Place the team first. See yourself as there to serve your team to the best of your ability. Show that you care about the welfare of the team and its success. Look out for the team as if its success is defined by your actions each and every day. Look for ways to make the team and its leader look good.

Shared values

This list could be a great starting point for team discussion as each trait is described and examples shared to reinforce the benefit to each member and the team as a whole. Of course, other traits can be added and discussed. I cannot overstate the importance of a team embracing a set of traits—shared values—that can serve to bond and strengthen the team members along with their journey.

In Closing

I have listed these 10 behaviors and their brief descriptions in a 1-page PDF document that you are free to download and make copies.

Team members who are tenacious and diligent in demonstrating these behaviors and actions will serve as outstanding role models for other members. There’s nothing better than an example to inspire and spur the members of a team to be their best.

Almost all team members want to perform well and to support the success of the team. They want to mimic behavior that will help the team and, in the process, make them look good as well. If you are a project manager or other leader, don’t overlook your personal duty to set a consistent example for your team members.

Now, go become your imagined self!

7 Warning Signs that You Are Too Soft

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles. 1 Comment on 7 Warning Signs that You Are Too Soft

Simple question: Do you believe that you tend to be too soft at work?

What I mean by too soft is demonstrating behavior that results in being consistently less effective than what is otherwise possible—and needed—in performing responsibilities.

Whenever I ask this question at conferences, seminars or webinars, most people respond with a “yes.” From experience, I have found most project managers and business analysts, indeed, to be too soft—they are not willing to make the tough and unpopular project- or business analyst-related decisions, even though their instincts warn them that they are not taking the most effective action.

Being too soft harms your effectiveness, your career, the respect from others and your ability to make a difference and make things happen.

Examples of Too-Soft Behavior

Here are seven examples of too-soft behavior. Do you see yourself here? If so, this article may cause you to leave your comfort zone.

1. You behave as if you have the responsibility but without the authority

If you behave as if you have the responsibility but without the authority, then you’re too soft. I do face time with thousands of people each year. I frequently hear project managers and business analysts say that they have the responsibility but not the authority. This just isn’t true. You almost always have the authority; the problem is that you don’t take it.

Here’s an example. When was the last time you were called on the carpet—challenged—for exceeding your authority? Was it within the last week? The last month? The last year? Was it ever? My experience is that less than 15% of people in a large group—a statistically valid size group—have ever experienced being confronted for exceeding their authority. This is sad to me. But what is sadder is that, statistically, most people reading this article will never experience being called out on exceeding their authority across their entire career! My assertion is that you almost always have the authority—you just don’t seize it… you’re too soft.

2. You put off insisting on and driving good project management or business analyst practices

Whether I’m in a public setting or at a private company, it’s common for PMs or BAs to approach me for advice about their project problems. During the discussion, many times it’s relevant for me to ask about the project management or BA practices that they follow. I often hear them say that the practices they follow are weak and insufficient. They will state or imply that management in their organizations isn’t doing enough to provide and continuously improve the practices. I’ll ask them what their role on the project is and they will tell me that they are the PM or a BA. If you are in either of these roles, then insisting on and driving good practices is your job. Not management’s. Not anybody else’s. It’s your domain of responsibility. You can seek help if you need to but the buck stops with you. If you do not insist on reasonable practices then you’re too soft.

3. You complain rather than constructively work issues to closure

I don’t believe that you should ever complain about anything—ever! Complaining is negative energy and adds no value to solving the issue at hand. People who complain are exhibiting too-soft behavior by averting truly getting the problem fixed. But make sure you understand what I mean by complaining. An example of complaining is when person A complains to person B about something that person C can fix. In this case, person A just wasted his time and person’s B’s time. However, if person A “complains” so-to-speak to person C—the person who can fix the problem—then this is not complaining to me. This is the first step of the solution by informing the person who can do something about it.

4. You evade taking a position on issues

If you evade taking a position on an issue, you’re too soft. A role of leaders is to help resolve conflict among team members. They take appropriate business-based positions on issues even if it doesn’t please all parties. Let’s look at an example.

I was mentoring Sarah who was a project manager of a sizeable project. We were walking through a hallway heading to a room where a meeting was soon to take place. We come upon two team leaders—Laura and Larry—discussing an issue in the hallway. Actually, discussing is too kind of description; they were angry at each other and loudly protesting the other’s views. Upon seeing this, Sarah leaned in to me and asked if I would mind if we join in on their discussion. Sarah said we have a few minutes before we must be in the meeting room. I said that that’s a good idea and we joined the two team leaders. After standing with the two team leaders and listening for a few minutes, Sarah turns to me and said we have to go; she did not want to be late for the meeting. Once we were out of hearing range of the two team leaders, I asked Sarah why she didn’t say anything back there to help resolve the conflict. Sarah said if she had sided with one team leader then the other team leader would have been upset with her. I said that’s not how it works. Besides you now have both people upset with you because you did not assert your authority and help find an appropriate resolution. I went on to tell her if she sided with Laura and that left Larry upset with her, that’s not her problem—it’s Larry’s problem. I said never avoid taking a position because you fear that someone won’t like you. This is business, it’s not personal. Decisions are made based on what’s in the business’ best interest; not what’s in Larry’s best interest. Here again, Sarah was too soft in dealing with this situation which meant she was not as effective as she could be and should be.

5. You avoid or excessively delay making key decisions

Decision making is a critical action in any team, project or organization. We all have experienced instances where we felt decisions were being made far too slow. Make sure that you aren’t the problem. If you avoid or excessively delay making key decisions then this is another example of demonstrating too-soft behavior. If you wait to make a decision until all data is known to ensure that you are making the very best decision, then you will lose all competitiveness. Better to make a decision and occasionally be wrong, then make no decision or excessively delay in making the decision.

6. You fail to perform your assignment as if you own the business

When you look around you for the people who you respect the most, they are likely folks who come to work each day with the mindset that they perform their duties as if they owned the business—and the business is defined by their domain of responsibility. If you have ever owned your own company, you will know exactly what I mean. You cannot put food in your belly or pay your bills unless you are successful. It’s this passion that helps people achieve their best. These are people who make things happen. They believe—and their actions demonstrate—that the buck stops here and that they are fully accountable for the project or their assigned domain. Your boss and your senior management want you to take charge over your domain of responsibility with the passion that comes about when you behave as if you owned the business. If you hesitate or routinely pull back then, again, you are demonstrating too-soft behavior.

7. You require the personal approval of others to function

You are too soft if you personally require the approval of those around you to function from day-to-day—and without it you feel inadequate—then you will likely find their behavior to have an immobilizing effect on you; it can stop you in your tracks. Don’t ever give that kind of power to another person. What other people think of you should never be more important than what you think of yourself.

In Closing…

I have revealed seven examples of too-soft behavior. If you routinely exhibit these too-soft behaviors, then you’re clearly too soft—you tend to take the easy way out rather than do the right thing by demonstrating the most effective behavior. If you only occasionally slip into this behavior, then that may not be a serious cause for alarm.

If you fear that not being too soft will cause you to be “too hard” and therefore you will be seen as being rude, insensitive, abrasive, arrogant or a bully… don’t go there. You are a good and decent person and will not give way to these behaviors.

You might be asking yourself if an upside of demonstrating too-soft behavior is that you might win friends and respect? After all, if you are consistently too soft, those you work with will see you as very easy to get along with and passive—you’re always rolling over and abdicating to others. The problem is that if you’re a leader and are consistently demonstrating too-soft behavior, you will lose respect from those you lead, and from your peers and from your superiors. Being too soft will also have a negative effect on your project’s outcome because the best business decisions are not always made or made in a timely manner. All this can lead to your career becoming stagnant or even shortened.

Now, go become your imagined self!

Mentor Central: Dealing with Difficult People: 10 Tips to Stay in Control

Written by Neal Whitten,PMP on . Posted in Articles.

We all encounter difficult people in the workplace. We may be that way ourselves from time to time.

How effective you are at dealing with difficult people has a direct impact on how successful you become and can affect your job advancement, your relationships, your overall confidence and even your health. This article defines 10 actions that you can employ to stay in control. By demonstrating self-control, you are better prepared for dealing with almost any situation and any individual. Stuff’s going to happen but you don’t have to accept being the victim. You have choices.

Definition

We often use the term “difficult person,” but I will define it for our purposes here. By difficult, I mean a person who routinely exhibits one or more of the following behaviors:

  • Hard to work with or manage
  • Doesn’t play by conventional social or organizational rules
  • Is a disruptive or disturbing element to others.

By difficult, I don’t necessarily mean someone who disagrees with you. Disagreement is often healthy and even good for business. It can serve as a check-and-balance to help ensure that the best ideas and decisions are considered; it stretches the players to perform at their best. It’s not always important that we agree. It is, however, important that we can work reasonably well together despite our different points of view.

10 Tips

Let’s now examine the 10 tips—or actions—that you can employ to help you stay in control when dealing with difficult people.

1. Take Time to Pause

When a difficult situation presents itself, pause and count to that proverbial 10. You are at a crossroads. What you say and how you say it could make matters worse or improve the situation. Now is the time to think before you act; to collect your thoughts and corral-in your emotions. If communicating verbally, this means pausing for a moment or taking an extended break. If using email, sleep on it before replying, or obtain a second opinion before sending the email. While pausing, look at the big picture. Search for what’s best for the business or the relationship. Focus on a good outcome and what that might be.

2. Examine Your Behavior

Whenever you encounter a difficult person, first examine your own behavior to determine if you are part of or the entire problem. Ask yourself, “Where’s your responsibility in all this?” You may not be able to alter the behavior of others but you can change yourself if that’s what is needed. 

3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

When you are dealing with a difficult person, it can be immensely helpful to look at the situation from their perspective. For example: What are they going through? What is their objective? How are they feeling about the situation? What is the hardship they are facing? Your point of view will likely be affected by better understanding their point of view. How would you react if you were in their shoes? Be as understanding as possible of their frustrations or point of view. Doing so may also help to win them over—they may even come around to seeing you as an ally. Demonstrating empathy is a trait commonly found in the best performers.

4. Be Willing to Listen

When you listen and the other person knows you are listening, walls start coming down. It prepares you both for coming together for the best solution. They begin to feel that you care about them. Use body language as you are listening such as tilting your head, relaxing your body and frequently looking into their eyes. Be empathetic and display compassion, if relevant. An objective for listening is to learn what they are going after. For example, they may be looking to save face, or they may be seeking power, respect, attention, approval or some other form of recognition. It may be helpful at some point to ask them what they are feeling right now. Avoid making decisions or judgments before you have a chance to hear their side.

5. Be Candid About the Issue

Be straight with others. Constructively confront them with the problem you perceive and what you need from them. Site specific examples and avoid any vagueness. Initiate this conversation in private. As soon as possible, set the expectations. Tell them what you can do and what you cannot do. Follow up on the discussion to ensure expectations are clear and things are proceeding satisfactorily.

6. Project Calm

Your behavior will have a pronounced effect on the situation so you want to learn to manage your emotions. Lead from a position of strength. Don’t become defensive, angry or desperate; doing so will undermine achieving a satisfactory outcome for both you and the other person. Maintain your cool. Relax your body language. Slow down the cadence of the conversation. Be thoughtful with the words you choose. Keep your voice low. Although the stakes may be high for you and the other person, promote casual conversation so that emotion can be displaced with listening and thinking rationally.  

7. Choose Your Battles

When you are dealing with a difficult person, you typically have more than one option. Make sure that the option you choose is in both your best interest and the business’ best interest. Sometimes give-and-take is not possible with a particular person—there is no chance of compromise. Ask yourself if this situation is worth the time, energy and overall stress that it will cause. If it’s not then let it go. Stop talking about it or giving it any more energy.

8. Don’t Let Others Control You

When you go to work each day, I suggest you not show up with the primary objective of being liked. If you do, you will likely have a disappointing career. No matter how you behave and treat others, there will be many days when someone will not like your behavior or even you. It’s not about being liked. It’s about integrity and doing the right thing. If you make being liked—getting the approval of others—a primary objective, then you are setting yourself up to be controlled by others. This could cause you to do nearly anything just to get their approval, including rolling over on important issues.

9. Deal with Aggression Firmly

Whether the aggression is delivered verbally or is approaching physical, shut down the interaction and be willing to continue when they have calmed down. Don’t tolerate verbal abuse or someone threatening your personal safety through physical or psychological fear. Be assertive in insisting that the difficult person does not continue with the abusive behavior. Once you have shown your willingness to tolerate abusive behavior, that behavior will not only continue but will likely escalate. Set boundaries. Let the person know you will respect him or her, but expect to be treated with respect in return.

10. Take the High Road

When dealing with a difficult person, the likelihood is high that they are not taking the high road. Just the opposite; their heels are dug in. Someone’s going to have to budge and reach out. As hard as it may be, make that someone you. Doing so demonstrates professional maturity and is a major step in finding a successful path in dealing with the difficult person. This can help diffuse the situation. A great bonus in taking the high road is that you will earn respect and your stock value will increase.

In Closing…

I have listed these 10 actions and their brief descriptions in a 1-page takeaway that you are free to download and make copies.

Dealing with difficult people can be so common at work and in life that you want to continue to develop the skills that help you maintain your self-control when you encounter a difficult person. If you continue to fine-tune your behavior, you will find a reduction in the number of difficult people you encounter. Why? Because we often contribute to the problem or are the problem.

Now, go become your imagined self!